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What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig ? The letter F ?
Beer is good, but beers are better.
Met a girl for a first date and quickly found out that her version of "Do you want to go downtown?" is vastly different than mine.
If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains is great news for stupid people.
Same sex marriage? Heck, I know couples who would be happy with a SOME sex marriage
If you ever feel sad remember that there’s a number you can call and a pizza will be there in 30 minutes.
I don`t normally poop with the door open, but I don`t want to miss the in flight movie
They say you are what you eat, though... I don`t recall eating a sexy beast today
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
thinks it would be great if we really burped bubbles when we were drunk .. just like in cartoons.
Keep your friends close and your enemies tied to a train track.
Honey, tact is for people who aren`t witty enough to be sarcastic.
Hey Russia, you spelled Sushi wrong.