Daily Silly Status

The closer you are to the toilet, the harder it is to hold it in.

How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to

If you can´t say anything nice ... we´re probably related.

Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?

I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I wake up feeling like a bounced check.

Sometimes not being in control is the most awesome feeling in the world.

That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately

It`s not cellulite, it`s my body`s way of saying "I`m sexy" ... in braille.

I keep seeing studies finding fecal matter on things. Anyone considered that perhaps it`s the scientists that aren`t washing their hands?

If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.

I should be asleep, but there are a lot of things I should be.

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.

Beautiful people are more beautiful when surrounded by ugly people

Hillary Clinton is running for president. In other news, grass is green and the sun is hot.

You´d be amazed how often I´m wrong when people say guess what