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Facebook is like Chinese food. When you think you had enough, you want more.
Please don`t hastag out loud...
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
Momma left strict instructions to knock you out.
If everyone would stop screaming, I`m sure we`d all agree I`m not supposed to be in this women`s restroom.
You know you`re addicted to your iphone when you start using your fingers to zoom into things on your laptop computer. Or a printed photo. Or a book. Or your watch.
Let`s lay in bed all day & trade sexual favors for trips to the fridge
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy.
Mary Had a Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little Lamb. Maybe she wasn`t that hungry.
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever
Our parents did the same sh!t too, they`re just liars.
I wasn´t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I feel