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What if Egyptians actually had a written language, then started using emojis, and that’s all that’s left?
Two interesting facts for you: 1) Some pine cones look like poop. 2) I`m never kicking anything wearing flip flops again.
"You know, I wish I`d never gone to the pool that day." ~Marco Polo
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
You can never really say `what`s on your mind` when you have family members on your Facebook.
For Christmas I just want summer...
I hope when the machines take over the world they start by fixing my cable.
*Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn`t reply to my last 43 inbox messages & then you updated about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
Pro tip: “Hold my drink” is not a proper response to “License and registration, please.” … apparently.
I`m one of the nicest a$$holes you could ever hope to meet.
That moment when being uncool, is cool