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So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
Relatives - Because sometimes you need reminding of your bad genes too.
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
You know what’s huge in Japan? ..Sumo wrestlers. ;)
Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.
I never said I was better than everyone else, just better than you.
My screensaver is a screenshot of a bunch of spreadsheets so my boss doesn’t notice when I haven’t moved my mouse in an hour.
I don`t appreciate my son`s teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mom’s bedroom. I can’t believe it.. She’s a superhero!
Just saw a homeless dude with a sign reading "Hungry Hungry Hobo"... I shouldn`t laugh right?
Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.
"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P
You know that really private/embarrassing stuff you say to your girlfriend when no one else is around? Her friends know all that sh!t.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss.