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A cash bar on parent-teacher conference nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
Ladies, when it comes to stalking, I`m 100% behind you.
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
Why don`t strip clubs do Black Friday? It would be the one place I would camp out to go in.
Hell, I finally figured out what was wrong with me ... I have been reading the wrong horoscope!!
The weather is so nice. I think I’ll go outside and watch other people run.