Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If your interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you.
At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that`s not my wifes phone number.
I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
Dating Tip: If you eat a magnet and slip another magnet into your date`s drink she`ll never be able to leave you
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it’s strapped to the top of someone’s car.
My favorite beer is an open one.
Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she’s still there.
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room
keep scrolling I`ve got nothing....
When we married, she treated me like a God. As time went by, the letters got reversed
I went to see the doctor today for my annual check-up. The good news is the he says I`m healthy as a horse. The bad news is he uses large farm animals to
You guys make me wanna be a better alcoholic!
My dance moves are somewhere between “dog being shocked by an electric fence” and “squirrel crossing the road.”
I get my: Cereal from a tiger, Insurance from a gecko, Toilet paper from a bear, Financial advice from a gorilla. It`s people I don`t trust.
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.