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I`m still waiting for that fairly tale scene where the animals clean everything for me.
I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.
When I go to someone’s house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don’t like visitors.
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
The older I get, the more I enjoy being bored.
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
They say that money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
My grocery cart right now says ” I’m getting drunk and doing laundry tonight!” And also. “I like fruit.”
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
"nice crocs. where did you get them?" - nobody ever
When I get married I plan on introducing my spouse as my ex-fiancé just to mess with people.
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.