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Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
I`m an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but so was yesterday, and look how that turned out...
A poem about me: I hate mornings. I wish I was drunk. The End.
Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, I’ll ask him; “so how does my lack of progress make you feel?”
Today`s Facebook forecast: Partly boring, increased drama, and a really good chance of bullsh*t.
The ski racks on my car say I’m fun, adventurous, and can’t figure out how to take the ski racks off my car.
Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
Just once I`d like to see someone in a movie call bullshit when someone tells them their phone number starts with 555
I`m not sure who looks more frightened & confused when someone knocks on my door, the dog or me?
3 Things you need to know: Yes I Have. Yes I Can. Yes I will.
I`m good at counting cards. I keep ending up with 52.
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you`re doing it.
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.