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Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
If I rapped I would have to start doing way more stuff because only so many things rhyme with couch.
Has anyone donated any money to ALS? All these ice bucket challenges I been seeing makes me think ... you all some cheap bastards
I don`t have ADHD. I have ADOLS. Attention deficit..OH LOOK! Skittles!
I`m gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
I hate when I oversleep at work and get home late.
If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it`s always perfume.
Don`t be sad if you didn`t get a Valentine`s Day gift, lt`s not the end of the world. That`s still ten months away.
If I owned a copy shop, I’d only hire identical twins to work there.
You know why it`s called almond milk? Cuz you can`t say nut juice with a straight face
The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest....
The only rule of the Chess Club is to hide from the Fight Club.