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They say you have real problems if you hear disembodied voices; fortunately all my imaginary friends have bodies.
I like to friend friends of friends then unfriend the first friend to freak out the friend of a friend.
They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.
My most frequent walk of shame is from one bathroom to the other with the plunger
These old people at the bus stop really suck at paintball.
Although the voices aren`t real, they have some pretty good ideas.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
Settle down homemade play dough parents.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
I`m hoping to avoid a situation where I have to dance to save my own life.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street.
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you`re not the boss of me"!
If a dwarf smokes weed does he get high or medium?