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Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
Everything happens for a reason. That`s why I drink to everything!
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
Next time you are in a restaurant, give this a thought. The fork you are using has been in the mouth of hundreds of people. Now look at the people eating right by you. Scary, right?
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I don’t want a minivan.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
I was jogging earlier and...LMAO, I`m sorry...I can`t start a status with such ridiculousness.
I`m beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.
Does "who cares" count as advice?
I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.
You always remember your first Crush. Mine was Orange.
I super glue one jar of pickles shut and leave it out at the barbecue then watch the humiliation unfold.
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
Not sure if people stopped saying YOLO or if everyone who said it died.