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Just got a message that said "Hey, I tried to call you"...that`s your problem right there....you should have never tried that.
If today drags anymore, it`s going to come out of the closet in a sexy little dress
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics...So glad I found you all.
"It`s not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes
Whoa! Thank you warning label! I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
Rubix cubes are EASY....when you`re color blind.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so fvck it!
I like my coffee like I like my women, hot and a lot of alcohol in them
What do you call a black woman with braces?... A Black and Decker P@cker Wrecker!
My wife has a thing for bringing injured animals home... I think she should just stop driving.
If you think about it,, Batman was pretty lazy about naming all his stuff.
If you`re not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you`re probably boring.
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
I can`t unfriend you because I really enjoy watching the disaster that is your life.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.