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Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a gorilla.
My spouse thinks I`m crazy. But I`m not the one who married me.
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
The best occupation to work from home as: Bartender.
I`m glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I`m part of the other 3%.
The way I see it, every Friday is Good Friday.
I was all ears until you said something that sounded like advice.
For all the parents with kids starting school I just want to say congratulations. You made it through another summer without killing your children!! I am proud of you all!!
My love for you is beyond words so don’t expect a Valentine’s Day card from me.
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
Redneck WORD OF THE DAY: WATER My girlfriend gets mad and I don`t even know water problem is!
If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave.
I won employee of the month!!!…. again! I love being self employed.
Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.