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People around me think I`m losing it. So today, I had to sit myself down and have a talk.
Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, "You gotta bring it today!" ... So I packed a lunch and went to work.
I just want you all to know, whatever problems you might be having, I`m here to `like` them.
The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
I hate bugs that fly, jump, crawl, dougie, twerk, 2 step, all that crap.
I ran into a dwarfs car this morning and he come up to me and said "I`m not happy!" And I said we`ll which one are you then
If you are offended by the opinions I express you can only imagine the ones I keep to myself.
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
If you`re behind someone at the ATM late at night, let them know you`re not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck.
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell. :)
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.