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People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
I read that a banana a day will help keep your colon clean. I just wish they would’ve mentioned that you’re supposed to eat them.....
Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
"It`s not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes
I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
The easiest way to keep a secret is without help
Sorry I was staring at your nachos while you were talking about your painful divorce
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
I only eat the entire pint of ice cream in one sitting so that I won`t be tempted to eat it later.
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
Irony: Asking God to help you on a science exam.
The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.