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Im at a beer tasting today..so far they all taste the same out of this case...well done Budweiser...well done!!
Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don`t want to touch it any more than you do.
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
I`m glad the guy who came up with "No means no" didn`t do the whole dictionary
It`s a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships.
I’m in no shape to exercise.
Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me all like, “Whoa! That was close!”
A pretty important part of being a dad is waiting in the car.
Dimples are considered a facial muscledeformity in the medical world.
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? WHY!!??
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.
Ok ... I just had a talk with myself, and it did not go well. Now I`m grounded.