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The women at this gym act like nobody’s ever tried taking their measurements before.
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
Do you ever get up in the morning and look in the mirror and say, "that can`t be right"?
Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
Found out the name of my neighbor`s cat. In other news, I now have free internet.
that strange moment when you get in the van and theres no candy...-Drew Balthaser
If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
I`m sorry we fought ... I hate it when you`re wrong.
I`d care more about your feelings if they came with a toy and chicken nuggets.
If you want funny, get off Facebook and watch the news...
You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
FACT: Men are much less likely to divulge a secret than women. Probably because they weren`t really listening to begin with.
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.