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I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet ... I get hungry.
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
Tomorrow I will live in the moment, unless it`s unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.
The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
Little to no thought was put into this status.
Marriage. When dating goes too far.
If we aren`t supposed to be too close to the microwave then why do they show us food twirling around in there?
There are three kinds of people: Those who totally agree with my messages, those who kind of agree with me, and those locked in the trunk of my car.
I didn`t give you the finger...you earned it.
I think I`ve finally found someone I could spend the rest of my life with, I should probably get out of her closet and introduce myself.
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*
Don`t be afraid of a few extra pounds, fat people are much harder to kidnap.
I can’t decide if the drinks are too weak or if my tolerance is too strong.