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What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.
I don`t know who I feel more sorry for.. myself for never being able to find where I parked my car?.. or the poor bastards following me through the parking lot hoping to take my parking space...
Perverts can contribute to society. Look at the disturbed individual who discovered cow`s milk.
I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
"I didn`t get your text" is the new "my dog ate my homework"
You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head
Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800`s isn`t a selling point. Slavery existed then too...
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
I bet genies were a real thing until one jerk wished for genies not to exist anymore.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
Okay, If we get caught here’s the story…
I’d drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk.
What`s Forrest Gump`s password? 1forest1
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*