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The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and stomach pains. Kind of like when I see my wife going thru my phone.
Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?
I am really thankful that I have a desk job. I could never get all my personal stuff done at home.
The only time I`ve ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.
My Status updates are so great people hit the like button twice
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/
A morning text from me doesn`t mean "good morning". It means "I`m having very dirty thoughts about you right now".
Nobody expects you to post brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family.
A sure cure for sea-sickness is to sit under a tree.