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I don`t mind helping people as long as I`m not slightly inconvenienced.
Life is too short to be kissing the wrong a$$.
If you think people are stupid, randomly post "Happy Birthday" wishes on peoples FB page and see how many others tell them happy birthday.
Is beer cheaper off the kids menu
My tombstone will probably say, "Dead, but finally sober".
If you think I hate you ... I probably do.
Think you`re going crazy? When you get there, look for me and I`ll show you around.
Somewhere in America, a woman has a baby every 47 minutes. We`ve got to find this woman and stop her!
Nice meeting you, but I forgot your name as soon as you said it...
"I`d hit that!" -Helpful blackjack dealer
My son asked what he should say if a bully said to give him his lunch money. I said tell him you left it on his moms nightstand.
Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it`s important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
Answering all questions with "but you ain`t got no legs Lieutenant Dan" stops people from asking you questions.
Yea, there is no "I" in team... but there sure is "ME".
I pretty much spend all day, every day, just looking forward to going back to sleep.