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Just slung my bra off & threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, it`s Wednesday.
Time heals all wounds...unless it`s infected or gangrene or something then time makes it worse.
I am looking at this online special deal at Disneyworld and thinking no, my kids can annoy me just fine right here at home.
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
If I`ve learned anything from Facebook, it`s that you shouldn`t be learning on Facebook.
Rescue helicopters should have white lights at the end of their blade so when they spin it looks a halo.
I`d like to give a shoutout to all the people who are going through an identity crisis, you know who you are... I think.
Yes, autocorrect, that`s right. I hate that stupid ditch
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I`m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like excuse me, I’m working here.
Relatives comin` ~ hide all awesome stuff!
It`s hard to trust people. Even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. And the good news is, that`s pretty much everything.