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I`ll drink enough for both of us, because I`m just a caring person.
that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
Do you guys dance in the shower too? This morning I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)
I miss flip phones because at the end of a conversation you could always dramatically close them like, bitch whatever.
I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.
Kids today are so coddled- Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved
People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store clerk asked to come back soon?
My ex was in a swimming competition with 19 other women today. They were doing the breaststroke. Unfortunately, she came in last place. She didn`t know she could have used her arms!
If each day is a gift, I wonder where I can return monday.
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
Look, here’s the deal: If you’re into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.
I want a man who loves me for my personality. Is it really to much to ask, I mean I do have several to pick from.