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If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
I`ve actually have come to the conclusion that some of today`s youth may actually believe "laughing out loud" is actually spelled "lol"
Why is it that everyone you hate has such a better job than you?
I wonder if Sallys parents were like "Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."
My life is a movie. One of those movies where most of the people start leaving right in the middle of it.
Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” is a swear word.
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
I`m not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom.
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
I burn bridges to keep those crazy bastards from following me.
A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....
It is amazing how quickly kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, dishwasher, or vacuum cleaner.
I`m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue...
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever