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It’s proving very difficult to find a shop selling “Left Guard” for my other armpit…
A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
This is the earliest I have ever been late.
How do they even grow boneless chicken`s?
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
My only argument with using the treadmill, is that I can`t run away from my farts.
Diamonds are the hardest substance in the world ... to get back from a woman
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
I`m starting to think that all those hours in school, when I practiced writing my autograph, was just a waste of time.....
Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
You should NEVER say and I mean NEVER say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she`s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.. :|
There’s no such thing as being ready for vacation to be over.
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.