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Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes?
I can buy my own sugar. What I need is an insurance daddy.
Chuck Norris doesn`t flush the toilet...he just scare the sh!t out of it.
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
Who decided to call the man purse a satchel and not a douchebag?
Candy Crushers keep inboxing me saying that they need "lives" as if I didn`t already know that.
This one time, I got trapped inside a couch cushion fort for like 47 days cause I forgot to put a secret door on it.
I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!
I just want you to be happy. And naked.
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.
My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I`m pretty damn excited.