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I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number? ...hmm
Just give me coffee and no one gets hurt.
Let me drink about it and get back to you.
Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
It`s not an attitude problem, it`s the way I am.
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
The only idea worse than New Coke was brown toilet paper...
A piñata is NOT a good idea for a Halloween costume.
I`m uncomfortable sharing my feelings with you but completely comfortable standing next to a complete stranger while urinating. - Guys.
Guys be like, "Lets play 21 question." Girl: Ok, what`s your favorite color? Boy: Triangle, so you a virgin?
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
You are like that one crazy wheel on a grocery cart.
No matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s I’m still gonna eat it.