Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
If the voices in my head had a British accent I would listen to them more often.
Wait...so the "c-word" isn`t co-worker?
I wish we could donate body fat to those in need.
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn`t made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
I know the voices ain`t really, but man, do they ever come up with some great ideas.
Experience is what you get, when you don`t get what you want
30 seconds left on the microwave ~ Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone ~ Men: do the space shuttle countdown
I`m pretty sure even Santa wishes they would stop playing Christmas music on the radio this time of year.
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, he`s trying to bust a move.
I`ve totally cut carbs out of my diet. Until lunch.
I know what I`m getting for Christmas ... Fat. I`m getting fat.
"Based on a true story" means it happened more or less like this, but with ugly people.