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"I like tube tops too, but even tires have pressure limits!
I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems.
Please don`t hastag out loud...
If a girls tongue being pierced really mattered, then I would have my palm pierced!
I`m so scattered I don`t know whether I found this rope or lost my horse.
GF: "You`re cute when you`re drunk" Me: "You`re cute when I`m drunk too"
I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
If you`re ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
When people tell me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep in til noon, because I’m a problem solver.
People say laughter is the best medicine, but I’d like to think a beer is the way to go.
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
Stop picking on Justin Bieber. That`s somebody`s daughter.
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.
Lets all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name "fire place"