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I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
My neighbors look at me in a very weird way.. it’s like they never saw a guy with binoculars before.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
If cleanliness is next to godliness, then my car is Satan`s chariot.
There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon
For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.
My sex life is like a Ferrari ... I don`t have a Ferrari