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My husband has a blanket pulled up over his face. I think this means he wants me to talk to him.
Just once I’d like to learn something the easy way.
Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
My Ex-Wife: Our relationship is like being in prison! ME: I don’t think so. People have sex in prison.
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It`s not like a murderer will come in thinking "I`m gonna ki..- ahh damn! He`s under a blanket
I want the time management skills of people who effortlessly carve out entire hours to be offended by every single thing on the internet.
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
Hate cleaning my floors...how fast would I go to hell if I got a blind roommate and replaced his cane with a swiffer?
Saw a boat with a sign that read "For Sale" so I added the missing "-ing"......Idiots can`t spell...
My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid.
Did you know? If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Packman!
Driving a Dodge doesn`t automatically make you a defensive driver.