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Wisdom is understanding that a tomato is a fruit, but you don`t add it in a fruit salad.
Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
I need new swear words.
When choosing a ring tone, always ask yourself, "How embarrassed will I be when this rings in public?"
Happiness is the journey, not the destination, and when you reach your destination, ie; bottom of a beer, you must embark on a new journey, ie; get another beer........
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn`t doing his part of the chores around here
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.
I know she`s talking about rain but I don`t like hearing my mom say she got 6 inches
Does this couch I’m laying on make me look unmotivated?
The best thing about living in the southern U.S. is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense.
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
Black Friday at my house consist of pants 100% off