Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Got in touch with my inner self this morning. That`s the LAST time I buy single ply toilet paper.
The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
How to get a woman mad in 2 easy steps: 1. Take a picture of her. 2. Don`t show it to her.
A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
Fun thing to do: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on peoples cars saying "sorry for the damage" and watch them look for it
I`m getting older but I still have my moments...though I don`t always remember where I put them
Dear Cashier: Stop giving me attitude and acting like your job is so complicated and stressful. Self-Checkout has proven that you are really unnecessary.
When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?” So I did. I don’t remember much afterwards.
I don`t understand when people say `age is just a number`... Age is clearly a word.
Do you think Santa regrets giving all those bad kids coal now that global warming is threatening his home?
You’ll never get the same results running in place as you will running from a lion.
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
This day will end with either wine or shopping. Probably both.
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you