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Just found out that I’m 53 Cheetos tall.
There`s an emoji for eggplants but not for popcorn and this is why trusting people isn`t just hard, it`s impossible.
sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
It`s amazing how many pedestrians confuse right-of-way with immortality.
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around.
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
Why isn’t the default for online shopping “view all”? Who likes to skip through 20 pages of only 12 items…
I don`t mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
I just saw a 3D printer at the UPS store. It`s kind of cool, but I won`t be impressed until it can print snacks...
My local news station says it gives us " news when it breaks " ...I want unbroken news!!