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When I say "It`s a long story," it doesn`t mean it`s actually a long story. It means I just don`t want to tell you.
Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day I’m just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
If it weren’t for law enforcement and physics, I would be unstoppable.
My friends most commonly describe me as "who?"
Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.
Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.
I do my best proofreading after I hit `send`.
My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
Awww, look. My middle finger likes you!
What do women say when they are actually fine?
The Bible is Christianity’s Terms of Service. Nobody actually reads it, but as long as u agree to everything in it, u can use the Heaven app
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
Watching these gymnasts doing the balance beam is making me feel really bad about almost missing the couch.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
Why do we call it the Sun instead of a space heater?