Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
To be honest, I panic a bit right before I have to pronounce Worcestershire sauce.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
Car horns were invented 1% for safety and 99% because people get pissed off sometimes and need to let a mofo know.
I always tell myself there is no such thing as a stupid question, but everyday someone tries to change my mind
It`s amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.
Clearly, it is wrong to describe woman`s menopause as "the old Fallopian tubes finally rusting shut." My bad.
Cut out the middleman and just list 911 as your emergency contact.
Manager: So, do you have any questions about the job? Me: Yeah, can I have it?
I can read your mind, your thinking about sex right now, no wait, wait.. that`s my mind, sorry, I can read my mind. . .
You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east
I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???
In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says "what the hell is that" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE!
You know you’re a mom, when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
Note to Self: These Note to Selves don’t work.
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.