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A friend doesn`t question your motive, they just keep their mouth shut and dig.
I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
Does ke$ha go by k€sha in Europe?
Some relationships are like fat people, they don`t Workout!!
Never trust anyone who says “Im not supposed to tell anyone but”
When anyone ask me to babysit, I ask if their kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
I`m going to hell in every religion!
I meant to make you a rum cake but somehow I made you a plain cake and now I’m drunk.
Every load of laundry that I wash, dry, fold, and put away makes nudists seem less crazy.
Boss just announced she is leaving early. What a coincidence. So am I.
Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
GF - What`s that beeping? Me - Fasten Seatbelt Alarm. GF - How can you ignore something so annoying? Me - Huh?
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
Nice tan, what`s your race? Carrot?
I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?