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If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
I`m going to get one of those "My Family" stick figure decals for the back of my car. It`s going to be me, a bottle of whiskey, and a pizza.
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes.
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
Before I die I`m going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
If you are stalking me, please keep up, I have a lot of errands today.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.
My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive.
Free snow at my house. Shovel all you want!
Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I`m a valued customer at several grocery stores.
I don`t think we appreciate this era enough. For instance, none of us will see old photos of our moms whoring it up on Instagram.
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.
~WARNING~ I will more than likely offend you at some point in time