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Apparently when my math teacher asked `what comes after 69` "I DO" was not the correct answer.
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
I`ll never become mature enough to not laugh out loud when the person in the stall next to me farts so loud it sounds like a volcano just erupted.
Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you & they`re stabbing it? No? How about now?
Iām better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
This is the third time someone in Liam Neeson`s family has been abducted, they really need to stop leaving the house.
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a super-villain.
On a scale of 1 to "Get out you`re fired" where does napping at work rank?
I`m gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
Every member of my family is polite & courteous which I why our pantry has 17 boxes of cookies that contain exactly one remaining cookie
Bacon has protein. Spinach has protein. Bacon is a vegetable.
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.
Apparently asking girl scouts which cookie pairs nicely with whiskey is inappropriate....