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I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
Life is not like a box of chocolates. Its more like a jar of jalapeños, what you do today can burn your a$$ tomorrow
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
These ‘energy saving’ light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
Nothing screams DUI like wearing a really nice suit on a city bus.
I`ll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can`t live without
Did 4 push ups & 2 sit ups then ate 4 doughnuts & drank 2 beers. It`s called balance people!
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, "Man, did you see the size of that bug?"
I bet if there were little basketball hoops above every garbage can, littering would greatly decrease.
The best way to get over someone is probably with your car
Tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbour, but he said he had naan....
I always put a little umbrella in my drink so it doesn`t dilute in the shower.
If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you`re buying me drinks until you do.