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Women don`t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think.
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.
Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
The secret to eternal life and happiness could be hidden in the Terms & Conditions and we would never know.
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to them.
The most expensive part of having kids is all the booze I drink.
(Apocalyptic world) "Well guys......there goes our last female"
One day I hope to understand the phrase "more money, more problems"
My wife said to go out and buy something that makes her look hot & sexy for Valentine`s Day! So I got drunk.
Vodka can be mixed with anything, including more vodka.
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!