Daily Silly Status

Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve opened the refrigerator and thought, What am I doing inside the refrigerator?

This complimentary lemonade at the doctor`s office tastes funny.

Just like our bodies, our minds need exercise. That`s why I think of jogging every morning.

I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."

I hate when I forget my sunglasses and get caught staring at a woman`s boobs for 20 minutes.

You`d think he`d be better at this with all the porn he watches

I hope when the machines take over the world they start by fixing my cable.

I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.

Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl

Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.

My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.

Energy conservation activists would get more attention if they called themselves power rangers.

Life is to short ... to waste time matching socks.

If you can`t say something nice about someone, you probably know the same people I do.