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I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Just been informed that my spirit animal is Eeyore.
I`m at an age where I no longer want to marry a doctor for his money, but rather for the prescription medications he can provide.
I realized my superpower.. I can walk into ANY bathroom.. And the toilet paper roll will be empty..
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when I’m making a questionable decision for my life.
Kinda makes you wonder how many employees used to piss on their hands in the bathroom before management finally took action
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
You seem to be very educated on the things you make up.
It`s a good thing the gas station is open today...... I still have time to do my Christmas shopping.
I`d divorce my wife but I never want to see her that happy!
Do athletic people not know about Netflix?
It’s a status….not your diary…
Arm wrestling is DEFINITELY the manliest sport where Two dudes hold hands...
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.