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It`s not a real relationship until their zip code is in your Weather Channel app.
Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
This stupid lady is taking forever using her damn coupons for her groceries. All these rolls of pennies are heavy! Hurry up!
A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
To-Do List : Nothing[?]
Remember, I`m always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on.
A magic eraser, but for my bar tab.
I really worried about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about
The quality of a good neighbour is not seeing them often.