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A woman is quick to reject a man that lives with his mother, but will accept a man that lives with his wife.
I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
The best part about being at work on Friday is that it gives me 9 hours to figure out what I`m going to drink tonight.
The roof of my mouth just healed from that Hot Pocket I had in 2003.
Every morning, I jog around my block 15 times. Then I pick the block up and put it back in my toy chest..
when i have children im going to make them watch 2012 and tell them i survived all of that.
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Career goal: Being successful enough to add bacon to my burger without asking how much more it costs.
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
I’m a pervert, but in a romantic way.
my entire life is a "had to be there" moment
I just found out my smoke detector comes with a warranty. WHAT FOR? If it don`t work, what`s left?
Last person to like this wins a prize.
I think Facebook now comes under the housework category.
Odd Fact: The names of characters in Inception are: Dom, Robert, Eames, Arthur, Mal and Saito. Note the first letters = DREAMS.