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Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like Facebook in real life.
Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.
You know you`re addicted to your iphone when you start using your fingers to zoom into things on your laptop computer. Or a printed photo. Or a book. Or your watch.
I met a girl who told me that she broke up with her last boyfriend because he just didn`t work out. Which is when I knew, she wasn`t the one for me, as I hate to work out as well.
The only thing worse than a male chauvinistic pig is a woman that won’t do as she is told
I grew up for this?
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
Of course you have a right to your own opinion. Just like I have a right to tell you to shove it up your a$$.
The only beachfront property I`ll ever be able to afford is a sandcastle.
I hate when people passive-aggressively post vague, indirect statuses. You know who you are...
Don’t judge me because I only have $4 in my pocket. Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.
Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life ... Avoiding them