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That awkward moment when there`s not a single awkward moment
what does bgif mean on a friday night ? ... boobs go in front
Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
Sometimes, if you believe in something hard enough and deeply enough, nothing happens.
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
It’s my favorite time of the day: How long can I stare directly at my monitor and do absolutely nothing o’clock.
The bright side of getting attacked by a Cyclops is only having to use half the pepper spray.
Literally saw someone get a tattoo of a camel on their toe.
If you really want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn`t be telling you this but ..."
My wife asked about my wildest sex fantasy, but she got pissed when I told her. I probably shouldn’t have started w/ “After your funeral...”
Despite what people may tell you, its the fat that makes you look fat... NOT the dress!! lol
The problem with coffee is trying to make it when you haven`t had any yet.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds.
I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.
"kill it before it lays eggs" - is my standard suggestion to any problem