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Every time i see a person kneeling over tying their shoe, i run up behind them and hop over them to try and get a game of leapfrog going.
If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things I’d get a lot more done.
Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?……………………. (you smart people grinned didn’t you.)
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren’t there Starbucks pumpkin spice latte trucks in the winter?
Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you & they`re stabbing it? No? How about now?
Plumbers should keep busy this week now that No Shave November is over..
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK
Yet another advantage of being single. All I bring to Thanksgiving is empty Tupperware...
I can`t unfriend you because I really enjoy watching the disaster that is your life.
You say hangover. I say out of booze.
doesn`t need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.
Texting while sitting at a stop light: Helping save lives every day by preventing T-bone collisions with drivers who run red lights. Because of that extra minute it takes for you to realize that the light has turned green, the driver who has no regard for the safety of others entering the intersection legally, can now safely clear the intersection without causing a collision. For this, we thank you.