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Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
If you have to ask if it`s too early to drink wine...You`re an amateur and we can`t be friends.
Roses are red, this much is true, Violets are purple, not f*cking blue
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
Roses are Red Violets are Blue, If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
I hope manners is the next cool trend.
My wife is a sex object. Every time I want to have sex, she’ll object.
If at first you don`t succeed, find out where she lives.
Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn’t have borrowed all that money.
I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.
Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen