Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now.
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
Why can`t I get service in my own home, but the god damn Taliban can upload videos from a cave in Afghanistan!?
If I could trade places with anyone for a day it would have to be on the day I die. I wouldn`t want to be me on that day.
I`m on a pepperoni pizza cleanse.
Must you really ask why I have my selfie on top of my Christmas tree?
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took....
I am the head of this household, and I have my wife`s permission to say so.
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
I didn`t come here to make friends. I go to the cat shelter for that.
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume
You can always tell if a guy masturbates a lot by looking at his hands. If you look closely, you’ll see a wedding ring.
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?