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The first order of business for the 115th Congress: blaming everything on the 114th Congress.
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
Actually baby, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
You know what`s more miraculous than a video with a million view but no dislikes on YouTube? The detention sheet empty for my class.
Do these `Skinny Jeans` make my blood circulation look more than purple or less than purple?
I’d like to hang out, but that would get in the way of me being home and doing absolutely nothing.
Weekends are like a orgasm.. It`s takes a lot to get there and when u finally do it`s over in no time
You are so selfish! You´re going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night!
My next pet is going to be named "Peeve."
Whenever someone says, "Have a good one." I always respond with, "I have a good one, I just wish it were longer."
Cool things about being a turtle: 1. Born with a free house attached to you 2. Super chill 3. Could potentially mutate into a ninja
There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom.
Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of idiot?
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
Kids these days with their high tech cell phones. They will never get the experience of being stuck in a tree and not knowing if anyone is coming to help. Oh, and could someone come and set my ladder back up so I can get down.