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It`s pretty stupid the way mornings have to come every morning.
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. It’s giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.
I`m so broke that I can`t even pay attention!
I used to have superpowers but the psychiatrist took them away.
I`ve never had a windshield wiper setting that truly satisfied me.
Why the hell do we still use snow shovels when flame throwers are available?
Get ahead of myself. Sometimes I
Some people want a perfect relationship. I just want a cheeseburger that looks like the ones in commercials.
I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!
Dear Vegetarians, Thanks for saving the good food for us.
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes.
Why don`t they just get Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail?
When you introduce clapping to your dancing you might probably be too old to be in a night club at 1am.
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman´s hat on it... turns out that is not the button you press to get a fireman´s hat.