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Girls become instant best friends when they find out they hate the same people.
I can`t tell them apart, was that Milli or Vanilli doing the sign language at Madela`s funeral?
New camo condoms! She`ll never see you coming again.
feels like getting some work done ... so I am sitting down until the feeling passes.
My smoke detectors are always cheering me on for being such a great cook.
I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
Don`t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I`ve changed since then.
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
Is Nudeism a religion?
We can put laser-equipped robots on Mars, but wrinkled dollar bills still don’t work in vending machines?
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.