Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m not sure what post it was that caused me to lose 2 more Facebook friends today, but if I find out which one it was I will make sure to post it again....
I shouldn`t have to work. People should just pay me for being awesome.
Click Like, if you hate being told what to do.
Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald’s doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30.
Before I had kids I never really reflected on life`s little mysteries. For example, why is my toothbrush under the couch?
We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me
In light of recent events, I have no choice but to deduct a full star from my Yelp review of Earth.
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
Texts from mom: Thanks to the supreme court, now it`s not just women who won`t marry you.
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
Do the other settings on the washer actually do anything?
One man’s potato is another man’s vodka.
I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I’m positive I will have no interest in what you’re about to say.
I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish ... I`m not even high.