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It`s amazing how much people are willing to lower their eating standards when you insert the word "free" in front of the word "food".
There`s no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.
This bulk box of peanuts I got from Costco tastes like styrofoam.
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
Was born with a rare condition called "Amazing"
Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you’re working.
I refuse to jump on the `I hate Mondays` bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
Studies confirm that smoking withdrawal (for me) can be fatal (for you).
Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
Think about how much more stressful life’s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you`ve done with the place.
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.