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Wrapping these baby carrots in Tootsie Roll wrappers is exhausting but the payoff will be worth it come Halloween.
You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
Silence is Golden, except when coming from children… Then you’d better go check to see what’s broken.
I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems.
Sö î hèãrd ÿôu lìkê gùÿš with ácçeñts?
If a man says something in the woods.. And there are no women there.. Is he still wrong? O_o
People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
There should be an energy drink named 6 AM child
How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
Waved to my ex today, next time I might use all my fingers
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
Tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbour, but he said he had naan....
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.
I`d rather be someone`s shot of whiskey than everyone`s cup of tea.