Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Superman and Batman probably had a lot of "capes in the toilet water" accidents when they went to take a dump.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix… Don’t drink and derive!
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
If your girl sets her Facebook relationship status to “Widowed”, it’s time to pack a suitcase as fast as possible.
I honestly have a fear that one day I`ll leave my house and not be wearing any pants!
I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.
I go into Best Buy and ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded items?" Then someone is always nearby when I have questions.
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?
The song "Take me out to the Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame.
You`ve cat to be kitten me right meow.
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.
Why is "Pissed" an expression of being upset? I`ve never been so mad that I pee`d myself.