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Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
Life is like a box of chocolates and you`re on a diet so you can`t even enjoy it.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
When the sign says: DO NOT TOUCH I read: Touch when nobody is looking.
Just hung a picture. I nailed it.
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk? My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
I inherited my dad`s sense of humor. He`s not funny either.
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
I think they put less beers in twelve packs these days.
It`s the weekend!!! I haven`t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.
The best part of an argument is the make up sex...unless you`re fighting with your brother.
I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I have NOT offended…I will get to you shortly.
I’m a fan of saying YOU’RE WELCOME really loudly when people don’t thank you.
You never know how many people you dislike until you have to name your child.
If something`s worth doing, it`s worth doing rihgt.