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The awkward moment when you’re running and your boobs are bouncing …. and you’re a guy.
Facebook: Saving us money on birthday cards since 2004
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
If I say “it’s a great day to be alive,” it’s because those are literally my only plans.
Dentists need cooler sh!t on their ceilings.
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
If I were Noah, I’d be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
I read that taking a long, hot bath can help with managing stress. Unfortunately my boss doesn`t approve.
My life is based on a true story
Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me.
I’m not in denial, I’m just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)
My ex-wifes facebook status said "I`m depressed and on the edge"... So I poked her!
If zombies attack the world, everyone will run and hide. Except for us gamers, of course. We`ve been waiting for this all our lives!
If I were the guy who made the Where`s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn`t there