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I told you I was trouble. You should have listened to me instead of staring at my boobs.
My doctor told me to start watching what I eat. What channel is the Pizza Network on?
A gun is like a coupon that works anywhere.
Stop screaming, lady. All I said was `this is how pornos start`. It`s just elevator talk.
That annoying feeling when you finally downloaded the movie you wanted to watch and BOOM!... It`s in French. #F**kYouFrance
There’s a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
Wouldn`t it be awesome if MTV had a show called "16 and Applying to Colleges"
We can`t all be princesses, somebody has to clap as I go by. :P
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
Why is the jolly Green giant so damn jolly
Have you tried complaining about it for hours?
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
I like when job applications have a “Some College” option so they know I’m an aimless loser.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist