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The worst time to need to sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee it when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
I’m crazy but not “LeBron is better than Jordan” crazy.
I just leased a 2013 lamborghini, no payments till January. Those f@kin Mayans better be right.
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
Where have you been all my life? ... Please go back there.
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
I can almost always tell if a movie doesn`t use Real dinosaurs.
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
Hope you get down and funky on this the day of your birth!!
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I`m bored.
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.